The Shaping of Me

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The who I am now is the sum total of all those people who have played a lovely part in my life. I, as a being, want to forget and forgive the unpleasant and the unsavoury that came my way. I shut it away from my memory though it stirs me greatly and always creates a hurricane inside and also devastates my core but what eventually remains with me is the beauty of it, the lessons that shape me, make me. So I shall say I am blessed that it is easy for me to do the shrug dance and get over with all the dirt and unwanted and reclaim the beautiful and the soulful.

I was born the second daughter to highly charged, enthusiastic, romantic and sensitive beings and as the third child in quick succession. While my mom had become severely physically weak and emotionally distressed as she lost her first born and the transition from a beautiful lover to a spouse in a demanding household left her bewildered and angsty, I wonder sometimes that I took that too.

Hence, when I was born and my dad who was finishing his course at University said over the phone that EitiShree it is…..that is the end of the beginning of my family. Over the course of time when I was about 5-6 years old and wanted to know the meaning of my name I was angry and unhappy the that my name meant ‘The End’. To make it rhyme like my sister’s, I insisted it is changed everywhere, even at school. My big wish was granted and I came to be known by the name the world knows me now for forty years, ‘Eitu’. But when I was 16, another big revelation linked to my name was shared by one of my Bengali friends that there is a Devi (Goddess) by the same name as mine and it is worshipped too. That was the day synchronicity began to unfold in my life and I began to notice it and understand its relevance and presence.

The shaping of me has is credits to so many lives that have crossed my path and touched me in soul-stirring ways. Family, friends, neighbours, students and many who met me just once but left an indelible mark on my being. All my family who taught me to love the kith and kin in good times and bad. They are the only ones who know the true genesis of the family tree. My grandfather, the most handsome man, I am yet to see another being like him, his soul and deeds were more good looking than him. I was all of ten when he passed away but I just need to shut my eyes to make those precious moments role out like a film. I learned from him to be giving even when you have less and treat all as you will treat oneself. My grandmother had never been to school but her articulacy was her weapon that left people wondering and gasping for words. No one could beat her in her discourse and the rich knowledge of idioms so appropriate. I learned from her to speak for your benefit and impression. My maternal grandmom taught me that family is all about genuine appreciation, sometimes critical appreciation, as no one else can check us for our good in their heart! Big momma has in a way rebonded the family thread! She is a treasure trove of genuineness. God bless! She taught me to love, just love, even when it ain’t returned ever! Because you do what you do best and let it come back in ways God manifests! She taught me to remember all big and small beauties of all and when you remember them after ages you awe them with love so strong and pure that it amazes the world! Naive till date in the sweetest innocent way. My maternal granddad was a man with a creative streak. An agile singer until the end and health-conscious man who truly lived by the proverb that the body is a temple that needs care, love and reverence each day. Feed the body only as much it needs, we can either finish our quota of food quickly and perish or eat like a bird and prolong the song of life. His fairness and equality in work and life for all and health awareness has shaped my incline to remain fit eat good and stay healthy.

My father has been my man to go to always. He taught me to passionately take up all chores major or inane. To give all the focus to a thing in hand and it sure will bloom the garden of your life. When and how don’t ask but concentrate on doing well. I also learned that books are the heaven that is on earth. He gave me the quest to never say its too late to learn. He has in him the inquisitiveness and enthusiasm of life that is rare to find. My mother taught me to give all in love with dedication worthy of Gods as it’s not easy to love human but its worth it. She taught me never to give up and be vanquished but not be defeated. And its lovely for a woman to laugh and gurgle and blush at any age. That’s what makes a woman beautiful in every phase of life. My sister taught me that true beauty is what beauty does. That it’s fine to spread thin for others and that the biggest joy is to be able to do plenty and more for others. She taught me that real beauty is to be yourself. To be able to say with confidence that I am quirky and weird but I am me. My daughter taught me that motherhood is a lifelong bliss and a mirror where you see a double image of you and your seed all the time. She taught me that it’s lovely to love without asking back. All my clan and friends taught me so much and shaped me into who I have become. My soulmates taught me to yearn and pine and conquer my limits. To better myself and explore my skills and creativity to soar high. The man I have lived with for 22 years taught me to keep reinventing myself and to be disciplined about life everyday and health is great wealth. My soul sisters taught me the lesson of logic, rationality and calm. One taught me the lesson that wait and watch and give-out and give in at a strategic moment to gain forever. That it really is foolhardy to be impulsive. And my childhood friend and soul sister taught me to be calm and content and see how God fills you with more even when you seem to lose enormously. My soul pet and my fur baby Leo taught me to love the moment. Forget who has been unkind and rude. When love comes around wrap it up and give a tail wag as it’s the moment that matters and all else is a humbug. He also taught me that when you are drowning or wet, drift towards the shore, give your body a few shakes, let all the depleting water ooze out, stomp away and live as if it’s the new beginning of your day.

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